Saturday, August 03, 2002

PSYCHIC SECURITY. For years I have dreamed about getting the chance to turn the whole world upside down, and now I finally get my chance. It turns out that you don't have to spend money to be defrauded and lied to by psychics. Just remember you read it here and not in some silly over-rated newspaper or magazine. A group of people and I just had a splendid chat with our neighborhood security guard. Luckily for our safety, this highly-skilled defense warrior also happens to be the seventh daughter of the seventh daughter of an Indian. As a result, she can detect and read auras and vibrations, and is told certain things about the future by spirits. We can also rest assured that she's not fake, because a fake would try to do something to help those in need or worse, try to exploit her power. This guard won't exploit any of her powers, because her Native American heritage forbids her from interfering with the spirits. Fortunately for us, she could afford to use her powers to read our futures. I, for one, will go into a service occupation, get married, have two children (one boy and one girl), and be happy for my entire life. At this point I have a natural skill with computers that no one else in the group had, especially not my computer programming brother who scored better than me on the AP Computer Science test. My brother might not go to the college he's enrolled in due to financial issues. I wish those damn scholarship people would stop lying about the full-tuition scholarship my brother's getting, because I know this lady's right on the money (or lack of it). However, a full clairvoyent service, a warlock-in-the-graveyard story and two wannabe cop stories later we decided to leave. I feel safer despite what you might be thinking. Someone who can BS that much and still keep a straight face can see straight through any thief or murderer's relatively pathetic attempt at pretending to be a benign citizen. And if she does have powers and senses someone about to do wrong, she's still a war-god-like security guard that can do battle with any intruders. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I don't have anything profoundly witty to say about this, and I blame that on the fact that I just spent the better part of an hour listening to a security guard talk about dead people and superpowers. At least her uniform isn't made of brightly colored spandex and a cape, or maybe that would help.
WHAT A WASTE OF TIME...TRAVEL. I was just thinking about the book/movie Time Machine. There's no reason at all that Hartdegen couldn't have gotten his girl back, at least according to the recent movie. The storyline runs on the basic premise that Hartdegen can't save his girlfriend from dying with his time machine because her death is the reason he built it. However, this could be circumvented. All Hartdegen would have to do is write a suicide letter for his girlfriend, go back in time, drop it off, kidnap her, and take her to the future. His past self would assume she died and in mourning still build the time machine to save her, but she wouldn't have really died. Instead the two would appear back in the future and live happily ever after. Silly mathematicians.