Wicked Tired

2003-01-14T14:39:00.000-08:00

JUST SAY NO TO READING.

The mom walks into her small child's room, "I'm so proud of your reading Johnny." "Thanks mom," the son replies through a smile. "Well son, put your book away. It is time for you to sleep," said the mom while kissing her son goodnight. The child growled and screamed, "No! You can't take my book away! I don't want to stop reading, and everyone else is doing it anyway." With a tear and a sigh, the mother resigns, letting the child continue on with its self-destructive reading habits.

The events described above plague millions of parents everynight. Sure, expensive ad campaigns make it seem nice, but is your child being hooked on phonics really a blessing? To many, it is a curse. "We've tried everything from cold turkey to 12 step Phonitrol patches," confessed a mother who wishes to remain anonymous, "but nothing works. My daughter is in college and we just caught her pawning her text books for more Reading Skill Development Products."

Selma Kellis, senior research analyst at the Center for Reading Control, says there is nothing to worry about, "There is absolutely no concrete evidence that RSDPs have any adverse effects on people. We've been testing them on lab mice for years; no addiction was observed." Leonard McPhygus, chairperson of Parents Against Reading Aids, responded, "Dude, rats can't even read. Their research is pointless; it's insanedonculous." Kellis rebutted, "The last time that I checked, insanedonculous isn't a word. Don't listen to a word PARA says; it's all lies. Besides, the exposure to RSDPs isn't all of the experiment. Sometimes we shock or throw things at the mice, and sometimes we let the janitor play with them. He can't read either."

Although RSDPs may or may not be addictive, or even bad for you, it is important to understand the social pressures surrounding and causing children to use these products. "I do it for acceptance. I wasn't really peer pressured, per se, so much as people just didn't talk to me when they found out I couldn't read. I got left out of a lot of activities, such as reading things," explained one high school student, "Now, I go through a Super-Reader pack every day." This requirement for acceptance has even infiltrated public school functions; certain book clubs completely excluded children who choose not to learn how to read. A certain book club sponsor denied this accusation, "That's absurd. We don't tell anyone they can't be in our club. It just happens that kids who don't like reading don't want to be in our book clubs. It's not like we're elitist or anything like that."

Fortunately, stricter rules are making it easier for children who don't want to read just to remain fashionable. The president of one high school's anti-reading protest group was expelled from the group after a scandal revealing that he read some of the works of Thoreau. "I only read for inspiration sometimes. I'm not hooked I swear. I can quit anytime I want," said the former president in his defense. Hopefully he learned his lesson. Reading is clearly becoming a problem in this nation, and it needs to stop.

2002-10-24T06:18:00.000-07:00

OOPS I FORGOT TO BLOG I wasn't able to updatde my blog last week; I guess it just got too busy. Any time that I wasn't listening to a speaker, testifying for my caucus's amendment, or traversing the nation's capitol, I was playing foosball (or sleeping). However, I met lots of cool people and left with new knowledge. For example, California is exactly the same as Florida, except it's on another coast and it's different. Also, being humorous is apparently the key to improving your life. Being from the northeast is key for saying "wicked" in front of everything without sounding stupid.

2002-10-15T09:19:00.000-07:00

KICKIN' BACK AT THE NYLC I just checked into the national 4H Center in Washington for my week long National Young Leaders Conference. The Center has some nice internet access, so perhaps I'll be able to update my blog throughout the week.

2002-09-08T15:14:00.000-07:00

IN A SWIMMER'S DREAMS. Everyone picks on Hollywood for one reason or another. Some condemn Hollywood for inundating children with images that glorify violence, sex, and drugs. I condemn it for misleading people to believe that, if they become a competitive swimmer, there's a chance they'd have one or more fans for it. I was recently floored when a teammate of mine suggested that the whole swim team watch the movie Swimfan as a group. I was baffled, too; how could any swimmer not realize that the movie would be horrible without needing to see it? Any movie running on the premise that a swimmer had a fan other than his mom or dad is doomed to be just as lame as its premise. Maybe I'm only reacting as a result of my environment. Sure, swimming isn't very popular where I live, and perhaps I'm a poor sport about it. However, I doubt that the movie's plot happening in real life in any way is plausible, no matter what part of the world you live in. It's not like anyone's ever been hospitalized as a result of attending a post-swimmeet party unless it was because they fell into a coma from sheer boredom, and I'm not sure as to whether a post-swimmeet party has ever occured. None of this is what ultimately matters, and that is that there's someone out there that likes swimming and has enough money to waste on a movie that can't help but be lame. If I can find that person, perhaps I can come up with a scheme to get him or her to give me lots of money. If that doesn't work, I can just write a movie with that as the plot; it's more plausible than Swimfan.

2002-08-03T23:21:00.000-07:00

PSYCHIC SECURITY. For years I have dreamed about getting the chance to turn the whole world upside down, and now I finally get my chance. It turns out that you don't have to spend money to be defrauded and lied to by psychics. Just remember you read it here and not in some silly over-rated newspaper or magazine. A group of people and I just had a splendid chat with our neighborhood security guard. Luckily for our safety, this highly-skilled defense warrior also happens to be the seventh daughter of the seventh daughter of an Indian. As a result, she can detect and read auras and vibrations, and is told certain things about the future by spirits. We can also rest assured that she's not fake, because a fake would try to do something to help those in need or worse, try to exploit her power. This guard won't exploit any of her powers, because her Native American heritage forbids her from interfering with the spirits. Fortunately for us, she could afford to use her powers to read our futures. I, for one, will go into a service occupation, get married, have two children (one boy and one girl), and be happy for my entire life. At this point I have a natural skill with computers that no one else in the group had, especially not my computer programming brother who scored better than me on the AP Computer Science test. My brother might not go to the college he's enrolled in due to financial issues. I wish those damn scholarship people would stop lying about the full-tuition scholarship my brother's getting, because I know this lady's right on the money (or lack of it). However, a full clairvoyent service, a warlock-in-the-graveyard story and two wannabe cop stories later we decided to leave. I feel safer despite what you might be thinking. Someone who can BS that much and still keep a straight face can see straight through any thief or murderer's relatively pathetic attempt at pretending to be a benign citizen. And if she does have powers and senses someone about to do wrong, she's still a war-god-like security guard that can do battle with any intruders. I'm sorry for wasting your time. I don't have anything profoundly witty to say about this, and I blame that on the fact that I just spent the better part of an hour listening to a security guard talk about dead people and superpowers. At least her uniform isn't made of brightly colored spandex and a cape, or maybe that would help.

2002-08-03T10:46:00.000-07:00

WHAT A WASTE OF TIME...TRAVEL. I was just thinking about the book/movie Time Machine. There's no reason at all that Hartdegen couldn't have gotten his girl back, at least according to the recent movie. The storyline runs on the basic premise that Hartdegen can't save his girlfriend from dying with his time machine because her death is the reason he built it. However, this could be circumvented. All Hartdegen would have to do is write a suicide letter for his girlfriend, go back in time, drop it off, kidnap her, and take her to the future. His past self would assume she died and in mourning still build the time machine to save her, but she wouldn't have really died. Instead the two would appear back in the future and live happily ever after. Silly mathematicians.

2002-07-27T16:21:00.000-07:00

GO CRUISE IN THE SHAGUAR. I just got back from seeing Austin Powers in Goldmember. Critics have denounced the movie as a pathetic exploitation of low-brow humor and not-so-subtle allusions to pop-culture. Fortunately for all of us, it's exactly that (minus the pathetic part). I haven't laughed this hard in quite a while. Myers brings our favorite characters to an unimmaginable level in this third installment, not to mention the wonderfully placed cameos. Instead of writing anything more about it, I'll just say this: Go watch the movie. Now.

2002-07-24T17:54:00.000-07:00

IRONICALLY IRONICAL, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. You know, when I listen to the Alanis Morissette song "Isn't it Ironic", I don't hear one single example of irony. It irritated me in a small way for a while. Then I just recently realized that the lack of irony was the irony. The song claimed to be about irony yet lacked it, making the song itself a perfect example of verbal irony. Pretty ironic, huh? Wait, no it's not. The song says it is ironic and is in away. So I guess that means it's not really ironic at all, in a wierd, over-thought third level interpretation sort of way. However, if that's true, the situation reverts back to the second level of ironic interpretation, a song about irony lacking irony, thus making it ironic again. It keeps on going in circles! Well, this is great. Now a song that used to mildly irritate me has now driven me to lunacy. It just goes to show that time spent contemplating the meaning of music is probably better spent listening to it.

2002-07-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

ROAD TO PREDICTION. Some of this might be a spoiler for Road to Perdition starring Tom Hanks, Paul Newman and Jude law. If you haven't seen it I suggest you read no further. I just got back from seeing the movie. It is, in my opinion, a really good movie. I suppose the in-your-face foreshadowing was done on purpose, but even without seeing the movie you can make some predictions. The one thing you're thinking when you're looking at the cast is absolutely true. Perhaps it is the reason they cast Tom Hanks. I sure hope he hasn't been typecast as the "Guy Who Dies" type because I'm tired of seeing his characters go. I was nonetheless fortunate. While I did forsee his demise, the fashion in which it comes in regards to the exact timing did surprise me. I did see Jude Law behind the oh-so-shiny glass, but I expected a one-liner before Tom Hanks did that thing he does, breaking our hearts into a million pieces....Nevermind, that's another movie. Speaking of Jude Law, I really liked his performance. I think I'm on to a pattern in the casting of messed up assassins in movies, but it will require more research. I'll be sure to post that when I can. All in all I think that watching the movie is well worth the time.

2002-07-06T19:33:00.000-07:00

PLOT HOLES AREN'T ALL THAT'S AGAINST MR. Upon typing that last entry, I've realized that neuroin has got to be the lamest possible name for a futuristic drug that can possibly be produced. For those of you who have no clue as to what I'm talking about, neuroin is a drug in the futuristic thriller, Minority Report. Since explaining it's role may or may not spoil some of the story (it's hard to tell that something isn't obvious after you've seen the whole thing), I won't go into it's importance here. Microcrack or cyberweed would at least be a courageous path on the part of the director and producer because of their absurdity and because they're not a lame attempt to sneak this "hokey future drug" approach past the audience. Not as much can be said for neuroin. Instead, the creators of the film try to craft some sort of legitimate drug name by taking a drug that is known to cause birth defects and modifying it contain neuro in order to have a futuristic feel. This drags the movie down, along with the requirement of data to be transfered manually via super-cool high-tech sheets of glass. It's a cool media form, but is it needed to transfer six driver's licences two feet? For all their high-tech brain-scanning pre-cog paraphenalia, you'd think that the Department of PreCrime could afford a LinkSys Router for their headquarters. Can't have wires? Go for the LinkSys Wireless Router. Whatever you do, don't go and develop overly-sophisticated technology for menial tasks. You'll only end up uselessly imprisoning people for life when there are other alternatives.

2002-07-06T18:52:00.000-07:00

BE BOLD! (I WANT A NEW COMPUTER) I've noticed something. I'm the only person (out of those who have blogs) in my family with a unique template. What's so great about the Currency template, anyways? Sure, it's what EV uses on status.blogger.com, but that doesn't mean we all should. I'm also the only person in my family that thinks I need a new computer. I'm greatful for the one I have, but times have changed. My once state-of-the art machine can now be bought in the sprawl for less than neuroin... In effect, my computer costs less than it does to produce pre-cogs. I'm sorry. I think I got a little carried away. That stuff is 50 years away from now. My computer is still at least worth a buck, with which you can make a call up to 20 minutes and just 7 cents a minute after that. However, if I see Alf being chased down by jetpack-clad precrime officers and I'm still trying to run games on this hunk of junk, I'm gonna be mad.

2002-07-03T08:49:00.000-07:00

I PROCRASTINATE! Yes I do. And you know what? It's served me well for my entire life. Summer is so great. All I have to complain about is having nothing to complain about. Well, I have that and summer homework, and- Nevermind that. Maybe if I wasn't so lazy I'd go do something interesting to talk about here. I don't really feel like writing anything right now, but I'm doing it just to keep in the habit. Who knows? Maybe some lazy bum like me can procrastinate for a while reading this tripe. I for one am an advocate of procrastination. As such I've noticed that when you put such undue pressure on yourself to complete something, you do a much better job of it then when you do it at your leisure. If I plan ahead to do something, for some reason I don't do as good a job as when I procrastinate. Maybe something's wrong with me.....It's time to go do some summer homework.

2002-07-01T18:48:00.000-07:00

ELVEN CONSPIRACY? I THINK NOT. Here it is. The long awaited rebuttal to my brother's article on Elvish(en!) Propaganda has finally arrived. As I previously stated, you get just the letter I sent to my brother, nothing more, and probably less.

2002-07-01T18:33:00.000-07:00

MAYBE I SHOULD GET A HAIRCUT... I love it. Campaign events are great fun. Earlier today I attended such an event for Bill McBride. The speeches included McBride (obviosuly) and Pete Peterson among others. McBride's speech focused on education, and brought up some good points on his qualification on the topic that were interesting and at the least, pretty funny (according to my bizzarre sense of humor. You might not find them funny at all). Bill McBride is the only candidate for Florida governor that was born in Florida, went to a public school in Florida, went to a college in Florida, and now has children in Florida public schools. I guess you had to be there. I'm excited to announce that I'm a charter member of our new local chapter of Young Democrats. Our first volunteer experience was handing out cups of soft drinks. Perhaps I should have told you to sit down first. Seriously though, we'll soon be helping put up banners along streets (however that is achieved) and handing out assorted McBride promotional materials. All in all a pretty interesting day.

2002-07-01T08:30:00.000-07:00

CONNECTION FAILED? Well, my innate sense of laziness prevents me from actually editing what I wrote to my brother in order to fit this page. So, I'm instead going to link to the email and let you read it for yourself, if you want to....Just as soon as I find a place to host it, because I can't access t3D to upload at the moment (my dad switched my server up). Times like these would make normal people break down and edit their work to fit inside the blog nicely, but not me. In other news I'll be going to some sort of publicity event for Bill McBride, a democratic Florida Governor hopeful. I'll post more on that when I get back.

2002-06-30T20:08:00.000-07:00

COUT << "HELLO WORLD"; My brother, Garrett, suggested I start my own blog. So I did. After a grueling day of patience-annihilating trouble with getting blogger to publish (apparently there was some sort of maintenance done to blogger.com today; It and blogspot were down for a while), I lack the will to come up with anything to say. I'm only happy this is finally working. Perhaps tomorrow I will post my view of Middle Earth and its situation.